One of the SCREAMING Branches...

Last week I found myself screaming at the top of my lungs.

I was crumpled on the floor of my basement suite just wailing.

It hurt so bad. If ever there was a moment of unfairness... this was it.

"ITS NOT @%@$%ing FAIR!!!!"

My rant lasted only a few minutes and then I stopped for 3 reasons:

1. My landlord was probably considering calling the cops or child protection services.

2. God never promises to be fair...

3. I felt waaaaaaaaay better.

Last week I finished my rant after spending a day at the hospital with my dad in the waiting room. The surgeon walked out with a solemn look on her face and informed us that my mom's cancer was back and that this time it was inoperable.

I watched my dad fall apart.

I wanted to be strong.

I wanted to trust God.

I wanted so bad to not let myself show emotion, doubt, or fear.

I did pretty well... that is until I got home into the solitude of my own home. Then I decided to be human and let it all out.

I quickly came to realize that I was not alone... and neither was my mom... or my dad. We may not see God in this terrible thing called cancer, but He was still there, and will continue to be there. God isn't fair, but I believe He is just. My biggest struggle was figuring out how my mom who is one of the nicest people on the planet, who has given her life to serving God and laying down her life for the service of others, how she could could get such a terrible painful disease.

Some of my friends would describe it as "Life is a (female dog)"...

And all I can think is that "God is Just".

I cannot assume that God will take my stance on justice or be fair, because then we are all screwed.

What I can assume is that God is just... that God cares deeply for my mom... for my dad... for me... I can assume that God hears me when I SCREAM OUT in anger, confusion, and fear.

In Luke's gospel Jesus is praying right before he is betrayed. It says that he was praying about what he knew he was about to go through.

(I must add that Jesus, the perfect human, the spotless lamb, the savior of mankind, the innocent one was crucified like a criminal... NOT FAIR)

When Jesus was praying, it says that he prayed more earnestly and his sweat was "like drops of blood falling to the ground." He cried out "ABBA FATHER"! This is not a cry of a helpless baby crying out to a dad, but the cry of a grown man who is bleeding out of his sweat glands and SCREAMING OUT TO GOD for help, direction. It says he was in anguish.

Throughout this I have learned a few things....

... God IS just.

... What it means to cry out "ABBA FATHER" in my most anguished times of despair.

What Inspires you?

Uninspired.

Do you ever feel uninspired?

I do. I watched heroes today. Don't get me wrong. It was good... but I felt uninspired. Really, who can fly, bend time, heal themselves, etc.? Uninspiring.

I also read my Bible today. Don't get me wrong. It was good... and I felt uninspired. Really, who can heal incurable disease, make blind men see, raise people from the dead? Uninspiring.

I wish that I could say that it was all inspiring, but I'd be a liar.

To be inspired would mean to be moved to action by it.

To be inspired would mean to be animated and motivated to do the same.

To be inspired would mean that this would change my life in some way.

When Jesus gives the power to do all these things to his disciples, it was meant to be inspiring. We are meant to be his disciples INSPIRED by his example and life.

Are you INSPIRED to do these things? Or... are you an uninspired chicken like me?

What is it that inspires you?

One of the citrus branches

Today I went out out to do some shopping for Christmas hampers. Sheryl, Cam,and I each with our own carts (I love pushing carts btw). The carts were overflowing with items.

My cart mostly contained one thing...well actually 27 of one thing.

My cart contained 27 9lb boxes of Christmas oranges. 

It was actually hard to steer the cart because there were boxes on top of boxes on top of boxes on top of boxes of oranges. I hit a few corners and barely missed ripping Cam's ankles off with the cart. Since we picked up the oranges first, I followed the other two as we gathered the rest of the supplies. I had fun... especially gauging the reactions from the various people that walked by my wheeled mountain of citrus.

I noticed three kinds of people...

people 1: those who were curious and funny. These people said things like "you must really love oranges" or the occasional "HOLY @$%#! OMG! OMG!" I laughed at the jokes and the double takes, and tried without succeeding to out humor people. 

people 2: those who wanted to enjoy what I was enjoying. Not sure if they wanted to duplicate the go-cart style fruit bouquet or they just wanted to eat them, but either way, lots of people asked me where they could find the oranges. I was more than happy to help them find their way to the oranges as I was clearly the fruit salesman for the day.

people 3: these people were the judgmental people. There were less of these people, but there were a few. These people came up to me and said "Are you seriously buying all these oranges all for yourself? No wonder I couldn't find them." then they would walk around the corner and comment "are you serious? thanks for saving some for the rest of us!" I could have helped them too, but I figured they weren't ready for the orange goodness. I also could have shamed them by informing them that I would not be enjoying any of these 243lbs of oranges, but rather they were for the less fortunate...but I just felt sad for them. NO ORANGES FOR YOU!

I thought it was funny that I found such different reactions to my situation. I really enjoyed seeing how people react so differently to what they perceived was going on. It's just like life...

How do you react to life?

...Do you face it with jokes and humor? 

...Do you have the courage to ask others when you have questions or need directions?

...Do you judge people at their outward appearance and assume the worse?

My advice for the day would be: When life gives you oranges, assume the best, not every one is as rotten is you!

...just kidding, but seriously. Enough people are grumpy around this time of the year. I'm not perfect. I do however want everyone to enjoy oranges. I do want everyone to enjoy life. I'm going to go ahead and assume that God also wants us to enjoy both of those things as well.

One of the Cold, Faithful Branches

Today I woke up to - 42 degree Celsius weather. 

Cold. Cold. Cold.

I just recently returned from the city of Vancouver. It was a great time in weather that rarely drops below 0. The city had so many people, with so many things to do, and so many places to eat, and such neat surroundings, and so many choices, and such diversity, and...

...and I found myself wishing I could be from a place like Vancouver. I started thinking about what life would be like if I was born of that city. What would life be like if I lived in that city? What things could I accomplish in that city?

I thoroughly enjoyed my time in Vancouver, and was thoroughly excited for those of my friends and family who have the priviledge of never needing to plug in their cars, who have over 1000 dining out options, who have mountains and ocean right at their fingertips, and...

...and I was truly excited for them...

...and yet, I realized that there is a reason why I have this yearning in my heart for Regina. I had a longing in my heart that was truly hard to explain for a place that was flat, and simple, and cold. 

I do not know for how long or for how short, but I felt encouraged by my trip to Vancouver, that I am called for now to the freezing tundra of Saskatchewan. This all may change one day, but until then, I will be faithful in my calling here. Not only will I be faithful, but I will be joyful, and proud to live in a place where a minute or two of skin exposure could lead to loss of limbs, and where the biggest news in town is a new chilis. 

I will live proudly, and faithfully, and joyfully in the place I am... because nothing can change where I am right now. For me to go elsewhere right now would be betraying this desire in my heart. 

I have decided to stop playing the comparison game. I always lose.

Be encouraged no matter where you are. No matter what you are doing. Do not be afraid to be proud and joyful about where God has you. 

One of the Pridefully Humble Branches

I am sitting in the Regina airport... in all of it's splendor and glory. 

I am listening to two Regina residents beak Americans. 

They are telling stories of how naive, uninformed, and arrogant they are. They share how..."they don't even know where Saskatchewan is!"

But really...can you blame them?

I personally agree that sometimes Americans can be uninformed and know nothing about Canadian culture... and for this reason I am also one of the "case in point"s that I am writing about.

Canadians have been known for so long as those who are "everything America isn't". They like war, we like peace. They like bombs, we like flowers. They like prideful, we are humble. The list goes on and on and on...

We think we are humble, yet we gloat over our neighbors this idea that we are better than them.

We have this sense of Humble Pride... or Prideful Humility...

It works with our faith too... We think that because we are from a certain denomination, a certain church, with a certain pastor, in a certain set of beliefs... we think that because of these things we are better. 

Yet Jesus, came as a humble servant, not lording anything over those different, but loving those around us. He was truly Humble...WITHOUT PRIDE!

So as I sit in the Regina airport, I am reminded about how pridefully humble I am, and how I so desperately need and want to be HUMBLE, without this sense of pride.

Who cares if they know who I am

Who cares if they know where I am

All that matters is that they know Jesus.

One of the get outta here swedish jesus branches

I do not want your Jesus...

I do not want this Jesus who wants you to get rich...

I do not want this Jesus who shows up at weddings and parties and tells you how wrong you are for drinking, dancing and having fun...

I do not want this Jesus who only hangs out with the popular people with lots of money, power, big houses and cars...

I do not want this Jesus who requires me to show up at a building once a week for the rest of my life so I get to go sing for the rest of eternity...

I do not want this Jesus who is white, with perfectly white glowing robes, and perfectly long brown hair and tidy looking sandals, and makes racist jokes against others because they are different than him (but they aren't really racist, just jokes)...

I do not want this Jesus who sucks the life out of life itself...

I do not want your Jesus...

...

...

...

...I want a Jesus who believes in justice.

...I want a Jesus who loves people regardless if they are rich, poor, fat, skinny, brown, white, popular, loners, gay, straight, young or old.

...I want a Jesus who took a stand against religious leaders all in the name of love and bringing his father glory.

...I want a Jesus who is rough, and hangs out with those who have no friends, and judges not those different from him.

...I want a Jesus who loves me for who I am, and then calls me to love others and BE a change in the world.

...I want a Jesus who gives life, and celebrates life to the full, in a fun and contagious fashion.

...I want Jesus...

...raw, untamed, rebellious, loving...

...NOT the swedish looking Jesus on your wall with everything all together smiling on you for your lifestyle and popularity, but the Jesus I've read so much about who is different and involved and in relationship with people, who calls us to so much more.

...THIS IS MY JESUS.

One of the amazed branches

Recently a group of my friends and I sat down and discussed the idea of creation. There were various opinions around the circle... and although we did not all agree on everything, I saw that regardless of opinions on whether or not God created it all...

We are amazed at the universe....

We are so small in the grand scheme (whatever that scheme may be)...

It hurts our brains to think about...

There is no proof either way, just piles and piles of evidence...

Science means "the study of truth", and I cannot help but believe that science backs up this notion that there is a creator. This whole thing is a huge debate, and my intentions aren't to spark debate. However, I will speak my peace, because I am overwhelmed by the bigness of it all, the intricateness of it all and the beauty of it all. 

I don't know how God did it...

But I think God made the universe, and I am ok with not understanding everything, because if I could completely understand God, that means he has a brain and thought process like me...and thats not a good thing.

Here is a song I enjoy listening to lately, and although it involves science, I think it just shows how creation screams with evidence for a creator. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XGK84Poeynk

Thoughts?